i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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