I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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