She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
