i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize