youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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