My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize