and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
