the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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