I hope mine doesn't look like that
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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