she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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