i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
