Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
