So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
