you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
