Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
time to smoke my breakfast
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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