Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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