4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Four minutes until I can fart!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
