Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
