Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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