I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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