she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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