it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
