how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
