When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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