Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
