So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
