I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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