what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
