I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
