Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
