just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
