After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
