I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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