every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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