If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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