Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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