i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
