tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
