WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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