I am spending my child support on dildos
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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