Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
