i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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