Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down