Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.