Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate