i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today