My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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