Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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