I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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