I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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