Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
