you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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