So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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