i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
