I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
