The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
