did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
