I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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