It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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