Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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