If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I deserve this hangover.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
