She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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