My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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