I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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