Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
