The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
