some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
