I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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