her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
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Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?