he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
