u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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