so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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