I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
